Don't Look Back

My intuition, tells me
This relationships not working, but we
Pretend we're better off not knowing, only
To realise we can't go on

I ache. There were no tears, for I could not cry, but I ache as if I have cried my eyes out. My eyes are sore, my muscles ache, I am cold inside. I should just give up on trying to find someone to be with. I knew he was too good to be true - he seemed virtually perfect... I know I'll get over it, but right now I'm so, so low.

Later... back from work, and just had a bath before bed. Well, I say before bed but if last night is anything to go by it will be several hours before I actually go there. When I feel like this, things like sleeping and eating just don't seem that important; life itself has no point any more, so why bother *living*?

Took the dog for a long walk after mum came home, mostly to help myself meditate on my current situation, and to find a way of coping emotionally. It was a glorious, warm and hazy day, not entirely unseasonable for October. Tonight is just as beautiful, with a full, bright moon illuminating the sky, almost like a soft blue dawn. But almost entirely wasted on the miserable wretch that is me. But at least I had one pleasant surprise today (well, OK, not entirely pleasant, but you can't have everything). When I looked at the off-duty I had got Wednesday off, but have to do Thursday night. Oh well. Got the weekend off, but sadly nobody to share it with apart from family, and they make too much noise for my liking.