Nothing Else Matters

Feeling terrible at the moment but somehow holding myself together, as somehow think I could be wrong about things. Think I lost Steven last night, for good, and don't know why or how. We met at the lifeboat car park and sat in my car for two hours just talking (him more than me, but I was hanging on every word he said), then we parted at 6.00pm, without even so much as a kiss (but reasoned with myself, expecting it every time is just a bit lame, and not something the 'improving' me would do - I'm starting to learn not to dive in with my emotions, but be, as Bridget Jones would say, 'detached' in order to preserve my sanity. But still, felt quite rattled after he went). I haven't heard from him today and I have theories, but no real idea what might be 'wrong'; a) he's gone out, b) very busy c) no credit on his phone - but then what about email?! d) (possibly the most likely explenation) he decided last night he really doesn't like me any more, hence I have been plunged into the depths of nothingness and despair once again. Has he now abandoned me, like so many before him? I'm so confused. And scared again. If everything is really how it seems, where did I go wrong?
Also, had one of those nights where I was always waking up and wishing he was there, and having crazy dreams where I kept trying to hack into his email and online-dating accounts to try and find a definite sign that he liked me. Then I was running through a city somewhere in the rain, and he was there. As I passed him I grabbed his arm and ran up a fire-escape, intending to kiss him on the landing.