Autumn Sunday

It's been a strange day. My free Sundays are always strange but somehow it was worse today. Have been texting Steven a lot, but it was better when we were emailing each other. I'm still unsure how he feels, or even how I feel. But that's just me. Little miss Insecurity. Even if we did get together it might only last a couple of months, even if I try my hardest to be interesting, attractive and witty, then I'll just be back to square one again, renewing my flimsy vows never to seek out romance ever again. I always tell myself I can make it on my own, and that I'm not lonely, but the truth is I'm deluding myself - I really am lonely. Why else have I spent the last few months arguing with myself about whether or not I should seek another boyfriend? It can't be because I thought it might just be good for a laugh.
Sometimes I think I'm completely incompatible with the rest of the human species.