The Lone Wolf

Friday, November 25, 2005

Shining Happy People

Had a very good day today, not that I've done much. Very nearly finished my pastel and pencil painting of Michelle's cat at art group this morning. Everyone liked it, and I think it's OK but it's not as good as I'd like it to be. I want to be a lot better than I am, but, at least until Kate gets back from the Isle of Wight, I've got nobody to give me guidance on improving my technique.
Was a little magical with the snow today, but very, very cold. I didn't know it had snowed until I walked out of the door this morning and saw it on next door's lawn. Had to get petrol on my way to art, and just walking from my car after I'd filled the tank up, into the shop, my fingers were frozen.
Had another night where I couldn't really sleep. Not sure why I'm having so much trouble dropping off at the moment. Maybe it's because my room is so cold. I had trouble getting up this morning because I felt sleepy, and just lay there in bed until nearly 9.00am, then got up and washed my hair, dried it and got my stuff ready, then went.
Went to Asda on the way home. Had to fight through the snow and biting wind to get in.

Friday, November 18, 2005

A Rainy Day on Mars

Spent the day tidying my room, all the time feeling strangely bad about myself, like the fact that I'm in a crappy job yet, despite having numerous career advice discussions, I haven't made any efforts to escape. Even I don't know why I do this. Well, I know it's partially the fear of the unknown: financially, since I'm actually in a job, I'm not sure if I could get any funding or financial 'help' if I went for a degree course or something. I have rent to pay each month - which also brings me to another concern, that I don't have a new cheque book; mum said she was sure one came for me a couple of months ago, but I'm almost certain I didn't get one. In fact, I'd say it was a 24 carat gold, diamond-encrusted fact that I haven't got another one. I've been just 'hanging on' the last few days to see if one does turn up in the post, but I resolved today, that if I don't get it tomorrow, I'll have to phone the bank (and I hate making phone calls...). I've gone way off-topic, now. I'd better look at the OU website tomorrow, too. What, really, is the point in wasting my life in a job where I just feel like a skivvy? None.
Getting a bit suspicious something's going on with my computer. Sometimes when I'm on the 'net these little rotating envelopes come up in the system tray with a little message saying 'Mail Delivery Complete' - but I never sent anything. What could that be? Also, sometimes a message comes up asking if I want to cancel a fax. I do, just out of sheer bloodymindedness - somehow I love the thought that stopping the fax (whatever it is) really pisses off the person trying to use my computer to send it. Cathartic exercise at it's best, methinks.